Having It All
I became that woman. The one who gets pregnant and pretty much forgets about her dogs and cat. It wasn't intentional. And it wasn't because now I was getting the thing I really wanted. It just sort of happened, and now I'm crawling back to them with my head hanging low and asking for their forgiveness.
Here's the thing. We never planned our daughter. For lack of a better phrase, she was, indeed, an "oops baby". In fact, we were pretty blunt about the fact that kids were never going to be a apart of our plan. Fate had it's own idea and I cried when that little pink line appeared. They weren't happy tears.
I clung to my pets for support and they graciously gave me comfort when I needed it most. Then I started puking, and that lasted almost halfway through the second trimester. Which meant walks were either non-existent or I was puking en-route. My neighbors really appreciated that. Just as the nausea was subsiding, I was thrown right into my busiest time of the year with work. I was up to my neck with editing, my belly was getting bigger, and the heat was swelling me to a form I didn't know existed. Still, they laid by my feet. The rested their chins on my lap. They greeted me just like they always had. But I yelled at them for getting under my feet, and for making me too hot, and for standing by the door while I was trying to carry in grocery's and 30 extra lbs of torso. I was an asshole.
Then she was born. My life was forever changed. I was in love, just as they say. I was eager to introduce her to the pack, and they delicately welcomed her with open paws and loving tongue slaps. They came when she cried, they kept us both company through midnight feedings. They watched like a hawk when visitors held her. They truly were the epitome of family dogs. But my brain was tired, my body ached, and I did everything in my power to be a good mom. Only, I forgot that the only way I could be labeled as such was if I was inclusive to all my little ones, dogs and cat included. And I wasn't. I took my frustration out on them. I yelled. I cried. And worst of all, I ignored them.
So why am I typing this? I'm not really sure. Maybe it's my form of a confession. I think there is a part of me that hopes that now that this is out in the open, it will help me turn things back around and I can once again be the doting pet mom I'd always been. But actions speak louder than words so I'm trying to take the necessary steps actually deserve their unconditional love again.
I mean, doesn't everyone say that having it all is easy? ;)