Yesterday I vowed to keep my chin up, to not let the results tear me down. I would fight the fight and move forward, not backward, as our president elect plans on doing.
I still hold this frame of mind, but let me be very clear, yesterday was fucking hard. It felt like the longest day ever. I went from furious, to sad, back to angry, to fearful, angry, and again to deep and utter saddness. I grieved along with my bubble of like minded individuals. I texted back and forth with my siblings, all of us in haze of disbelief and disappointment. "Today is the worst day of my year," my brother declared. "And I was told I had cancer 7 months ago." Yep. The ache went deep.
For most of my texts, I remained the annoying optimist. To my siblings, I apologize. I should have allowed us all to grieve a little more.
I spent the evening with my husband and my two best friends, all equally hurt. We chatted and ranted until the wee hours of the morning. Every so often, one of us hanging our heads and uttering, "what the fuck is happening?"
R tried to assure me that we did every thing that we could. We cast our vote. We did our part. But did we do everything that we could have? I feel like all I did was color in a circle. That doesnt feel like much. I didn't vocalize my opinions often enough. I didn't canvas for what I beieved in. I quietly played the bench by choice until the last 5 seconds of the game.
Never again. Never again will I NOT stand up for what I believe in. Never again will I not advocate for myself, my family, my friends, my neighbors, strangers, the environment, my city, my state, my country, my world. I used to joke that I would leave the country if Trump won. Well, I take back what I said. I'm in this for the long haul. I will fight the fight from here on out, and I will not apologize for it. Whose idea was it anyway that we shouldn't talk politics?
Just a friendly reminder that this, too, is now in jeopardy. Big picture, friends.